Lost Without You
by ivoryghost
Summary: A short Destiel one-shot, about how Castiel and Dean need to heal each other's pain. "If only I knew how to heal your pain." Based around Season 4/5!


**Lost Without You  
**A Destiel One-Shot

* * *

"Dean?" Cas whispered, watching as the trouble man writhed around in the musky old motel bed from his nightmare. The angel wasn't sure what to do, as Dean suddenly lashed out and smashed the lamp on the bedside with his fist. Still, Dean didn't wake up, not even when blood dripped painfully from his hand and onto Cas' trench coat.

"If only I knew how to ease your pain." Cas whispered to the sleeping Dean as he picked up his bloody hand and healed it with a featherlight touch. Dean, disturbed from the sudden gentleness that ripped through his nightmare, snapped open his eyes.

"Fuck." Dean cursed, bolting up right, not recognising Cas' worried face in the haze of his fear.

He visibly relaxed when he recognised the harsh line of the angel's jaw, his thin pink lips and bright azure eyes that were staring down at him with worry.

"Cas." He breathed, running his hands over his face with relief. Dean wiped at his forehead, his entire body drenched in a cold sweat.

"You cut your hand." Cas said, glancing at Dean's left hand. "You broke the lamp."

Dean inspected his unblemished hand, confused.

"I healed you." Cas answered Dean's unasked question, and Dean felt his heart stutter. "I haven't healed the lamp yet."

Dean couldn't help the tiny flutter of a smile at Cas' childlike statement.

"Thanks." Dean's smile widened when Cas blushed.

"You were having a nightmare." It wasn't a question, it was a statement and Dean swallowed the uneasy lump in his throat.

"Yeah." Dean shrugged, feeling uncomfortable.

"Was it about Hell again?" Cas asked, his eyebrows knotting together with further worry. Dean looked away, and Cas nodded, knowing without Dean even saying.

"It's always the same, every night." Dean kicked the covers off him and reached for his flask sitting on the bedside table. He took a greedy grateful swig of the vodka, and Cas noticed the tension rigid in the hard toned planes of Dean's body.

"Lucifer is torturing you?" Dean winced, and Cas sent him an apologetic look.

"What are you doing here anyway?" Dean asked, and as always Cas complied with the change of subject.

"You were in trouble." Cas answered like it was obvious and this time it was Dean's turn to blush. "I could sense your danger so I flew here and well, here we are."

"Here we are." Dean repeated in a soft whisper.

"Yes, we are here." Dean laughed and Cas looked at him, confused but happy at the same time. He wasn't sure why Dean was laughing but it made him happy to see him doing so, especially after what he'd just gone through.

"Where is Sam?" Cas asked as he looked around the dirty motel room.

"He's running some errands. He made me get some shut-eye."

"Shut eye?" Cas asked slowly, confused. Dean rolled his eyes good naturedly at Cas' obliviousness to human phrases.

"Sleep."

"Oh." Cas nodded, fiddling with the buttons on his trenchcoat. That's when Dean noticed the blood. He picked up the corner of the angel's trenchcoat and narrowed his eyes at his blood. "You bled on my coat."

"Sorry about that."

"Dean?" Dean felt his heart stutter again at the way his name sounded from Cas' lips, and he realised quite suddenly he wouldn't mind if Cas was to say it more often, in other situations. Dean blushed at the thought.

Cas was watching him, watching how Dean's eyes got lost in a thought then suddenly snap back to reality as the apples of his cheeks stained a pretty pink.

"You wanted to say something?" Dean whispered, afraid his voice would break the soft spell they seemed to have fallen under.

Cas ran a bony hand through his coarse hair, and Dean was struck by how very human that simple gesture was, and how it caused his stomach to flutter.

"May I ask you a question?" Cas asked, and Dean smiled at the irony. He simply nodded and Cas took a deep breath.

"Am I becoming more humanised?" Dean's eyebrows twitched with surprise, and Cas gazed down at him intently, waiting for the answer. He squirmed under the angel's gaze and scratched at his stubble thoughtfully; Cas' eyes followed the action.

"You're getting there." Dean answered diplomatically, and Cas sighed, crossing his legs on the bed. Dean couldn't help but think how young and childlike Cas looked, cross legged and completely and utterly bewildered by thoughts he couldn't understand.

"I feel alot of emotions." Cas narrowed his eyes. "Towards _you._"

Dean's breathing stopped momentarily, before he cleared his throat awkwardly.

"What kind of emotions?" He asked, his heart rate accelerating.

"I don't know." Cas sighed, frustrated. Dean could tell he was struggling deeply with what he wanted to say, and eventually Cas said; "I feel lost without you."

Dean felt his heart stop as he edged closer to Cas, so they were sitting directly infront of each other, their legs touching, their faces so close they could feel each other's breath; Dean's hot, Cas' cool.

"I know." Dean replied, his eyes searching Cas' vulnerable face, waiting for him to understand.

"But I feel lost when I'm with you and can see you're in pain but I don't know how to stop it Dean." Cas suddenly looked upset and frustrated, and Dean felt his world come crashing down at the look on the angel's face. Cas began to cry, his heart felt torn up with the inability to protect the one person he cared about the most. "I don't know how to stop your pain."

Dean felt his chest heave with raw painful emotion. His hands came up to the side of Cas' face before his mind could register the action, his fingers touching hot tears. He pulled the sad angel's face towards his own, brushing their mouths together.

Cas timidly responded, bringing his hands to rest lightly at Dean's ribcage. Their once lightweight kiss became more prominent, heated and desperate as they crushed their lips together. Cas' inexperience only made Dean kiss him more; his hands bunching at Cas' hips so he could pull the angel onto his lap.

Dean's fingers worked nimbly at the shoulders of his trenchcoat, pushing the tan material off his body. His shirt was crisp beneath his hands, and Dean clawed at it, trying to rip it off to reach the angel's skin. Their mouths diffused, Dean's mouth wandering on it's own accord to Cas' neck as Cas began to unbutton his shirt, recognising Dean's want to get it off him.

When his shirt was off along with his tie, Cas allowed Dean to ravish his torso with his mouth and hands, his body becoming hot with each butterfly kiss and explorational stroke. Dean's stubble scratched lightly at his soft skin, and Cas found his breath coming out in short pants. He hesitantly began to tug Dean's white top up over his head.

Cas froze, Dean still spreading tiny kisses along his bare chest. He reached out a hand and wrapped it around Dean's right bicep, which was strong and hard under his hand. His fingers closed perfectly around the scarred handprint he'd left there months ago when he'd raised his broken man out of perdition. Cas felt Dean pause in his kisses, leaning his forehead against his chest, and he wrapped his arms around Dean as the man began to sob soundlessly.

"I'd be lost without you, Cas."

* * *

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters nor their fandom, all copyright goes to their respected owners. This is purely to rest my shipper heart.


End file.
